


Shattered

by ren (renegadewriter)



Series: Of Blades and Cannons [3]
Category: Transformers (Bay Movies), Transformers - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Community: tf_rare_pairing, M/M, Not A Happy Ending, Prompt Fill, canonical death, tf-rare-pairing Fanwork-A-Thon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-16
Updated: 2014-08-16
Packaged: 2018-02-13 08:52:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 860
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2144607
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/renegadewriter/pseuds/ren
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After Sentinel's betrayal, Sideswipe is left to pick up the pieces. </p><p>Prompt: Stop Crying</p>
            </blockquote>





	Shattered

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the [**Fanwork-A-Thon**](http://tf-rare-pairing.livejournal.com/555225.html) on the LJ community [**TF Rare Pairings**](http://tf-rare-pairing.livejournal.com/).
> 
> Prompt: Ironhide/Sideswipe - Stop Crying

_‘Stop crying.’_

Sideswipe clenched his optics shut, the grief that had assaulted him since Ironhide’s death at the hands of Sentinel Prime growing in intensity. They hadn’t had a chance to mourn properly, not after Sentinel’s betrayal, and then their exile from planet Earth. Sideswipe had wanted to leave by that point. Leave the world where his lover had died. But then they had returned. They had fought for the same humans that had cast them out. They had fought a battle that seemed impossible to win, but they had triumphed. Why then, did it seem like a defeat to him?

After things had calmed down Sideswipe had left the base, driving full speed out of the city and screaming as he raced down empty highways.

No one had stopped him. 

He’d seen the way the other Autobots had looked at him. Sadness, pity and some even with sympathy. The humans were the same, and Sideswipe just couldn’t take it. So he’d left. 

How long he’d driven he didn’t know. Nor did he care. The silver twin didn’t even know where he was at the moment, only that he was in a desolate place in the middle of the night, away from any human populated sites. 

His tires were still warm, engine searing in protest at how much he’d pushed himself. All moot in comparison to the pain he felt in his spark. 

A year and a few months. That’s how long they’d been together. A year, four months, 12 days, 4 hours and 36 seconds. He supposed, he should be happy he’d gotten the courage to speak up, to prompt Ironhide to talk about their mutual feelings, and finally be together. 

He wished he hadn’t. 

_‘No you don’t.’_

A sob escaped him. 

No, no he didn’t. He treasured every second he’d been able to spend with ‘Hide, but every second was now _agony._ How did he come back from this? Did he even want to?  

_‘Yes.’_  

 “‘Hide...” He whimpered, trying to escape his voice, the echos of his touches and the strong spark that had completed him in more ways than his brother’s ever could. “We should have bonded.” He lamented, looking up at the stars. “I’d have followed you then.” 

_‘Couldn’t.’_  

Yes. They hadn’t been able to. Split sparks could never bond, unless they bonded to the same mech at the same time. Sunstreaker wasn’t here, and even if he were his twin didn’t love Ironhide. Sideswipe would have never been able to convince him to do it, not that it would have ever occurred to him to ask.  

Sitting on the desert floor, Sideswipe let his face hide in his servos. His frame shook with sorrow, and he couldn’t stop the pain filled moans that left him.  

_‘Stop_ crying _’_

Closer, more forceful. It only made Sideswipe cry harder. His spark felt like it was being ripped apart. Could his twin feel it? 

“You always told me to watch my back during a battle, even amongst comrades.” He whimpered. “You drilled it into everyone. Tried to drill it into me. So _why_ didn’t you watch _your_ own back!”   

Silence.  

The sobs wouldn’t stop, and with each one Sideswipe felt his pain grow. 

“Why didn’t you?” He whispered in despair.  

_‘Sorry.’_  

At that the front liner had to laugh. 

“Sorry doesn’t do me any good.” He let out a deprecating chuckle. “Guess it’s part my fault. We promised to look after each other.” He lowered his helm in shame. “I failed.” 

_‘No!’_

Sideswipe shook his head. There were no words that would stop him from blaming himself. He’d been right _there_ , and still Sentinel had landed hit after hit on the older mech. Sideswipe had done nothing, _nothing_ to help. 

The silver twin jumped, a shiver running down his spine as a cold touch landed on his shoulder.  

_‘No. Not your fault, not mine. Sentinel.’_

And Optimus had killed Sentinel. But that hadn’t brought ‘Hide back.  

“What do I do now ‘Hide?” The stars above him were silent, twinkling in mockery. “I can’t follow, but I can’t... I can’t just forget...”

_‘Don’t. Move on. Live. Love again.’_

Love? 

Sideswipe shook his head. There was no one he could ever love like he’d loved Ironhide. No one. 

_‘Never say never.’_

A phrase Sideswipe had used generously when he’d tease Ironhide about something. Asking him if he could use his cannons, inviting him to dance, asking him to do something silly... ‘Never say never’, he’d say, laughing and smiling. And now...

“It’s different.” He muttered, engine hiccuping. 

How could Ironhide think he would just... _move on_? There was no moving on from this. He’d never worried about things like this before. For a long time the only mech that mattered was his brother, and he never worried about him dying, since he would soon follow. With Ironhide though... _move on_?   

His sobs returned with a vengeance. 

Never. _Never._  

_‘Stop crying.’_

Again, this time pleading. The voice begged and ordered and threatened, but Sideswipe paid no heed.  

_‘Stop crying.'_  

_‘Stop crying.’_  

_‘Stop crying.’_  

Sideswipe knew that plea would continue for a long time. And for a long time, he would ignore it. 

**Author's Note:**

> Thus the end of this series. Unless another prompt for these two grabs my attention. Although I don't think so. Reviews and kudos are love =)


End file.
